7 Ways to Soothe your Shyness

Shy people instinctively know that they are missing out. Shyness equals lost opportunities, less pleasure and fewer social connections. Shyness can be crippling but there are tried and tested ways to make it a thing of the past.

When I was fifteen I was shy. I recall an attractive girl attempting to engage me in conversation. My shyness made me focus on me instead of her. I heard my own voice but not hers and I thought about what I was trying to say instead of what she was trying to say.

The formula for shyness is "too much focus on the self" plus anxiety. To make it even more unpleasant, sometimes when you are feeling shy you experience physical sensations which 'hijack' your calm logical self.

My pulse raced, my mouth dried up and I felt like the village idiot! I couldn't think what to say so I said nothing apart from making barely audible grunting noises! Cary Grant eat your heart out! When I detected pity in her eyes (or was it contempt, or boredom) I mumbled my excuse and got out of there. I hated being shy and was determined to change it.

How shyness is developed and maintained

Shyness really is a combination of social anxiety and social conditioning. To overcome shyness you need to learn to relax socially. This enables you to direct your attention away from yourself and gives you the space to practice certain conversational skills. In most cases, the heightened emotions of socializing when young simply condition the sufferer to respond to social events with fear, instead of excitement and pleasure.

Relaxed socializing is so pleasurable, not to say productive, but it is an advantage denied to many until they learn to relax. To start reducing your own shyness, I want you to absorb the following tips and ideas and start to put them into practice:

1) Think about the way you feel and behave around familiar people you are comfortable and spontaneous around. It's that feeling transferred to new people and situations that equates to your emerging social confidence.

2) Focus your attention away from yourself. Sure, you can think a little bit about how you are coming across, but if all your focus is on your own words and feelings then you might as well be by yourself. Notice what other people are wearing and make a mental note, listen to their conversation, imagine where they might live, make a point of remembering names. Not only does this give you more to talk about, it also 'dilutes' social anxiety leaving you feeling calmer.

3) Ask people open questions. Many people like to talk about themselves and will find you interesting if you find them interesting. Ask questions that require more than a 'yes'/'no' response such as 'What do you like about this place?' rather than: 'Do you like this place?' Once they've answered use 'add-on' questions connected to the first such as: 'What other places do you like in this city…?' Next you can express your views. This is a great way to get the conversation going. If the conversation doesn't 'take' then no matter, you've done your bit.

4) Stop trusting your imagination so much! Have you ever had an imaginary picture in your mind of a holiday destination only to arrive and find the reality is different from the way you had imagined? That's how reliable imagination is. Stop imagining what others think. I do lots of public speaking and I've long since stopped trying to second guess what others think of me - it's just too painful. Besides, what a person thinks about you has a lot more to do with who they are than who you are.

5) Stop using 'all or nothing' thinking. The 'completely this/completely that' style of thought occurs when you are emotional. People who are depressed, angry or anxious see reality in terms of differing extremes, simplistic all or nothing terms. An angry person is 'right' and you are 'wrong'; the depressed person feels like a 'failure' while others are a 'success'. In reality, life is composed of infinite gray areas. So stop fearing that you might say the 'wrong' thing! Or that people will 'hate' you. Once you start to relax more socially you'll notice much less black or white thinking because anxiety actually causes you to think in all or nothing terms.

6) Take your time. You don't have to blurt things out. Ask questions and if questions are asked of you can take time to consider your response (within reason). Don't just blurt out what you think might be the 'right' answer. A slow answer is a relaxed answer.

7) Finally, use hypnotic rehearsal. Hypnosis is the quickest way to change your instinctive/emotional response to any situation. Only think about meeting others when your mind and body is relaxed. This conditions you to associate relaxation with being around new people. In fact you'll find that when you relax deeply enough often enough whilst hypnotically rehearsing being comfortable around others you'll reach the point where you just can't be shy any more! This is what I call a 'happy inability!'

I now love meeting new people and suspect that my current social confidence would be unrecognizable to my fifteen year old self.

You can Overcome shyness now at HypnosisDownloads.com or contact us using the link on the right to discuss how we can help you.

This was posted by

Wayne M. Brewin (Trainee Clinical Hypnotherapist)

5 Hypnosis Myths Exploded

OVER the years, hypnosis has picked up all sorts of weird associations from stage hypnotists, the media and superstition. This is a great shame, because in reality, hypnosis is your single most effective tool for change. Hypnosis is your birthright, and you should know how to use it so it doesn’t use you. Here we dispel the biggest hypnosis myths.

Hypnosis Myth 1) All hypnosis is the same

As with anything, hypnosis can be good, bad or indifferent. The most common is old-style authoritarian hypnosis of the type “You are getting sleepy, you are feeling confident”. Unsurprisingly, this sort of hypnosis doesn’t work well with many people. Good hypnosis uses subtle psychological principles and advanced communication patterns.It’s like the difference between a football coach who thinks you’ll perform best if he yells at you, compared with the more elegant style of a great leader who knows that to get the best from his people, he needs to understand motivation, to cajole, encourage and reward.

Hypnosis Downloads.com offers hundreds of sessions using the best type of hypnosis.

Hypnosis Myth 2) Subliminals work

Subliminals are words that you can’t hear. Common sense says they shouldn’t work, and there’s no research proving that they do.

Hypnosis Myth 3) Some people can’t be hypnotized

The only reason you can’t be hypnotized is if you are incapable of paying attention due to extremely low IQ or brain damage. That’s not to say that every hypnotist can hypnotize you however. The more flexible the hypnotist, the more effective she will be with the largest number of people.

Hypnosis Myth 4) Hypnosis is something weird that other people do to you

If you couldn't go into hypnosis, you wouldn't be able to sleep, to learn, or get nervous through 'negative self hypnosis'. (You know when you imagine things going wrong and it makes you feel anxious? Well that's self hypnosis!) Hypnosis is simply a deliberate utilization of the REM (Rapid Eye Movement) or dream state. We’re not giving people medication here – if it wasn’t a natural ability, hypnosis wouldn’t work!

Hypnosis Myth 5) You lose control in hypnosis

Crazy news stories, stage hypnotists and gossip have created the illusion that you lose control in hypnosis. In fact, when hypnotized, you are relaxed and focused – and able to choose to get up and walk away at any time. You choose to give your attention to the hypnotist, and you can withdraw it at any time. If you have been scared of hypnosis in the past, this article has hopefully convinced you to at least give it a try. But remember, ensure what you’re getting is the real thing. Visit http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/

If this has raised any questions and you would like to chat through how we can help you click on the contact button on the right and choose the way that suits you best to get in touch.

What Is Hypnotherapy

A Brief Introduction To Hypnotherapy

“Everyone has the ability to be hypnotised, if we couldn’t we would not be able to sleep at night. All meditation & deep relaxation techniques use a form of hypnosis, all focus inwards. With the outside guidance of a Hypnotherapist, they can help you find the answers you need from within.”

To understand hypnotherapy imagine everyone is like a computer. As you grow up everything you experience has an input and puts a new program on the computer system, whether that is a negative or positive input, it has all gone in and been stored for future reference. Then as you face the challenges of everyday life, you constantly go to these programs and find the best course of action to take.

Nobody is the same. Everybody has different life experiences and everybody is programmed a different way. That is why no treatment plan can be the same for any two people. The programs that you have on your system usually dictate what you are going to do about a situation, they make you react in the way you do.

Hypnotherapy can wipe all the programs off that you no longer wish to use or have on your system and reaffirm the ones you do want, making them stronger and more easily accessible for future situations you find yourself experiencing.

In order to discover what it is that you do want to use a consultation needs to take place. A Hypnotherapist can only reaffirm feelings and emotions that you have experienced before and know how to use now. They cannot implant new feelings and emotions; only guide you towards using the existing ones more positively.

Look at this example. A child is constantly told that they “…will be overweight because it is in the family genes and not to worry about it, it is hereditary.”

This has been put across in a positive manner, however when that child grows up they are highly likely to be over weight because they have been programmed to be that way, whether it is in the genes or not.

What would that person be like if they had never been told they were going to have a weight problem as they got older? Would they still put the weight on? Would they still feel that in order to be “one of the family” they had to be overweight? Very doubtful.

Our habits, phobias, weight issues, smoking, everything we do is attached to our thought and emotion process that has developed via our life’s programming and this is how we deal with the pressures of everyday life.

Hypnotherapy can help you, automatically, choose the thought and emotion process most favourable to you.